WHY I LOST MY PRIDE
It was because of love. As simple as that, nothing complicated. Just that it wasn’t because I was in love but rather, because I did not know then what love was. And I still do not know even as I write this. So yes, love made me lose my pride, but it was because someone else loved me better than I did myself.
So, she was my friend and a very good one indeed. In all things the perfect friend you can have among mortals. It was about me, it wasn’t because she loved me and it was surely not because of what she will get from me. We were just friends, in its most pure form and its most human form. Two souls finding in each other friendship that did not demand anything from there other. You are there and I am here and together we are.
So we were friends and because love is the fruit of friendship it grew in our hearts. But like trees, some blossom earlier than the others. And sometimes some do not blossom at all. The interesting thing though about some trees are that they do not blossom, not because of the lack of good soil or environment, but simply because of their ignorance and foolishness. Yes, I was like that one tree. All things were beautiful but me foolish.
The friendship grew and the love blossomed. So did my foolishness and my ignorance and with it came the blossoming of foolish ignorance- pride. O that it was just normal pride. But no it was foolish pride. Pride that gloried in its ignorance and self wisdom. Such ignorant pride I had that I did not even know I had it. And o my I did revel in it, swam in it and dabbled in it. I trumpeted it to the world and wrote songs of adulation about it. And I continued in it. It did not abase neither did it show any signs of waning. If anything, it fan itself ablaze and spurred me on. And like a sheep being led t the slaughter, I gladly run along bleating happily in the meadows of my foolishness.
I was loved, and I scorned it. I was cherished and I perished. I had a friend and I fried it. For all the love that I was loved all I could see was my pride, myself, and my mind. So I lost my friend and was left with my pride. For days and years, I blamed the Lord for his mistake. I could not bring myself to blame my friend for no wrong was done by her. But neither could I bring me to blame me. After all, I had pride and pride never takes the blame. So I directed my anger at my God and to my creator I hurled my lightning bolts of fierce anger and frustration and disappointments for failing me. He is to be blamed. He is the God of men and mortals and that I am. He is to take care of us and not let us slip and that is his job. He had failed he couldn’t just perform. I could no longer trust him. In my wisdom, he was at fault.
I lost my God, my friend, and my love. I had my pride but I died!
Today my God has found me. I have lost my pride. Have I found my friend? No. I keep grieving.
